Alternate Meanings

The Washington Post recently had a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply possible alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries:

Abdicate - v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Balderdash - n., a rapidly receding hairline.

Carcinoma - n., a valley in California, noted for its heavy smog.

Coffee - n., a person who is coughed upon.

Esplanade - v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Flabbergasted - adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Flatulence - n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.